Compliance as a survival response

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Survival is complicated and incredible. We are innately wired with a sophisticated stress response system that allows us to survive hard things. To put it simply (although this is an oversimplification) there are 3 primary default responses to threat. First we seek social connection—safe people. If safety is not found … Continue reading Compliance as a survival response

The Benefit of Shame

Shame is the feeling or belief that we are somehow flawed and unworthy of love and belonging. If we are capable of connection and empathy, we are vulnerable to shame. It is a common human experience. Unlike guilt, which is the conviction that I did something bad, shame is the feeling that I am bad. … Continue reading The Benefit of Shame

Why is Healing so Hard?

The primary function of our brain, to put simply, is to survive. This requires physical safety. This also requires an element of emotional and psychological safety (otherwise suicide would not be as prevalent as it is). As discussed before we are innately wired with the capabilities to survive very difficult things. But if the threat … Continue reading Why is Healing so Hard?

The Dreaded Drama Triangle

In my most recent post I delved into the some of the ways a trauma survivor might interact with the others that could potentially set the stage for relationship troubles. This post was a simplification of the complexities and frustration experienced on both sides of the relationship. I want to take time now to explain … Continue reading The Dreaded Drama Triangle

The truth about playing the victim

We have all heard the term “playing the victim”. I hate this phrase, and I have been guilty of using it a time or two. We use this term to describe someone who in our mind chooses to be victimized or otherwise places blame on others. Someone who avoids taking responsibility. At times it suggests … Continue reading The truth about playing the victim